i love oregon. and my mom is my hero.

today was hard. really hard. we had a few really high highs and waaaayyy too many really low lows. but i'm not going to write about that. i'm working on getting past it. instead, i want to thank my mom for being the most amazing woman i have ever known and thank oregon for being all i wanted and needed it to be... at least for tonight.

after nearly 3.5 hours of a rough bedtime with bug, i bailed out. my mom had already got lilah to sleep and i finally got alice to sleep, but nolan was holding strong. i was sad. i was frustrated. i was angry. i needed fresh air. so i laced up my running shoes and went for a jog, my first since sometime last summer. it was about 8:30pm when i left (bedtime started early after a very rough/brief nap experience and ugly behavior). i could never head out for a run at 8:30pm in california because it gets dark so much earlier and anthony works mostly evenings/nights while i solo parent. so that was awesomeness piece one.

awesomeness piece two was that i was in jogging distance to an incredible park surrounded by enormous mature trees, mostly pines (or some sort of coniferous tree) and oaks. there were four different baseball fields with adult co-ed softball games going on and one with a kickball game going on. there were people playing sand volleyball, basketball and tennis. there were kids at the playground and skaters at the skate ramps. there were runners and dog walkers and young lovers cuddled up on blankets taking it all in (which really made me miss my hubby). every person i passed smiled and said "hello".

i ran down a trail to get there and back and once i was in the park, i found a trail that led me down to the river. i sat on the dock for a few minutes and took in the beauty and serenity of the calm water before heading back around the park loop and home.

the air was clean and smelled like the sweetness of a forest. there were hills that made my legs hot and burned out my frustration with every step. all in all, i probably ran a little over two miles, not bad for my first time out in nearly a year. i felt strong and like i could have gone on, but didn't want to push it too far. i arrived home about 9:00pm... and it is still light out. i wish i had brought my camera with me to capture it all, but my memory will have to suffice. at least until next time.

i have never been happier to be back in oregon than i am right now.

oh... and my freaking amazing mom? yeah... she got my boy to sleep too. i love her. i can only hope that one day i will have the amount of love, patience, determination and kindness that she possesses.

gma and my tired babes. lilah left. i'm certain because alice likes to hold her hands up like that all the time. :)

gma and bug feeding fishy

gma and lilah at the park on one of our first days in oregon

gma and alice the afternoon we arrived!

three months! already!?

today (actually yesterday now. this blog was supposed to be done and posted last night) my little nuggets turned three months old. simultaneously, it is hard to believe that so much time has passed and yet it feels like a lifetime ago that i was birthing them. i have been meaning to write their birth story since the day they were born... i have started it and i wish it was complete to include in this post, but alas, it will have to wait for another day. :)

i mentioned in previous posts (here and here) that the start was anything but smooth. the first five-ish (?) weeks were really freaking hard, but i'm so glad to report that things have GREATLY improved. they sleep now, which is amazing. they sleep better than their 3.5-year-old brother! (they sleep so well that i'm pretty sure despite nursing them pretty much all day every day, my period will probably return any minute. boo. it stayed away for over two years with nolan! the price you pay for sleep, i guess. haha. anyway...). things are pretty great. i can't imagine what life would be like if there weren't two of them. not that there aren't struggles every single day, because there are, but we are working through. we have been in oregon with my mom for just over a week, which helps heaps. i'm already wondering how in the world i ever did this without her! wowsa...bedtime with two adults (daddy mostly works evenings/nights) is like a cake walk! well... maybe not cake, but soooo much easier than one! whew!

hmmm... this post is quickly becoming really rambley and all over the place. i'll re-focus.

three months. crazy.

they nurse like mad.

they sleep like little logs.

they smile with their whole bodies.

they LOVE their big brother (and he loves them like crazy too... but frequently forgets his size and strength :/).

sometimes they look so much alike that i almost can't tell them apart and i'm certain they are identical. other times (like today), they look so different i'm certain there is no way they are identical. ha!

 they are growing so incredibly fast. seriously. i feel like they look completely different than when we got on a plane in LA last week bound for our new oregon home. alice even rolled over twice yesterday! from her belly to her back! of course she has yet to repeat it despite my watchful eye (through a camera lens, of course). before i know it they are going to be crawling all over the place.

watching them grow is bittersweet really as this is the last time we'll experience each of these stages. and it is a great reminder to take it all in and work on being more present in every moment.

tonight as they were nursing before bed, they were dressed in these sweet little white t-shirts with a ducky on them. in november of 2008, my family surprised me with a baby shower for sofia. at that baby shower, i got duplicate sets of a pair of ducky jammies. one from my grandma and one from my mom. obviously and sadly, sofia never wore them. as i sat with them and watched them smile up at me in their sweet ducky shirts that seem to have always been meant for two, i remember my beautiful angel and i know that her soul is a part of these girls. i know she had something to do with the craziness what is me having twins out of the blue. it may have taken me 38 1/2 weeks of pregnancy and nearly three months of their lives, but i can finally fully see them as blessings and i believe with all my heart that i have her to thank.

sofia changed me. nolan changed me further. and these baby girls... i tell you what, they have most definitely changed me too. every time it think i'm going to break (losing sofia, figuring out how to parent, nearly going crazy with twin newborns and a toddler), i seem to come out stronger. seriously. world,  don't mess with me. the last five years have made me a force to be reckoned with fueled by the strength of motherhood. a strength that grows with every passing day.

happy three month bday, alice and lilah. thank you for choosing me to be your momma. thank you for believing in me when i haven't. thank you for teaching me every day. i love you. xoxo

alice smiling at gpa

milky lilah

cuddly babes

alice fourth of july (11 weeks 2 days)

lilah fourth of july (11 weeks 2 days)

lilah and bug

sleepy girls after a long day on our first evening as oregonians (11 weeks 6 days). lilah on the right...i think. ;)

my view looking down. lilah in lilac. :)

alice cuddled up napping on gpa. 

alice and daddy saying, "goodbye" at the airport as we had to send anthony back to california for a bit. :(

lilah and daddy "goodbye" (12 weeks, 1 day)

bug and alice

babes and bellies getting ready for bed. bug and alice. wowsa... bug's legs are sooooo long! 

baby girls cuddling in their sleep. lilah on the left (one day shy of 3 months)

baby girls! three months! alice is the upside down one. :)

sleepy three-month-olds! alice left. 

our lives...by the numbers.

this is the story of our lives as told through numbers.

48: the number of hours this blog post will cover. sunday evening through tuesday (today) evening.

sunday: 

3: the number of non-consecutive hours of sleep i got sunday night.

14: the number of hours straight that anthony worked sunday afternoon/night.

monday:

30: the number of minutes i worked out for my beachbody les mills combat challenge.

6: the number of chocolate covered almonds i ate (before breakfast) despite the fact that i'm on a fitness challenge. doh!

6: the number of laundry loads i started by 8:30am.

3: the number of children in my house with a cold.

1.5: the number of hours i waited alone with two sleepy (not sleeping) infants at the doctor's office for their two month appointments.

2: the number of weeks late i was on scheduling said appointments.

11: the number of weeks old they are now! 

11.8125: the number of pounds my girls BOTH weigh. also read 11lbs 13oz, but that didn't fit the mold. :)

6.4375: the number of pounds alice weighed at birth (6lbs 7oz).

6.25: the number of pounds that lilah weighed at birth (6lbs 4oz).

49 & 50: the number of centimeters lilah and alice's heads (respectively) are around .

21.5: the number of inches lilah is long.

22: the number of inches alice is long.

12: the number of hours anthony worked last afternoon/night.

2: the number of times nolan's body hit the living room floor last night after he woke up at 11pm, realized I wasn't in the room and that daddy was still at work and then walked into the living room. he threw his body the first time out of frustration. the second time was when he rolled off the couch where he was sleeping next to me as i slept upright holding a baby who couldn't breathe.

11: the miraculous number of hours that alice slept in one chunk yesterday. she fell asleep at 4pm and didn't wake up until 3am. convenient, but a little scary too. :/

2: the number of babies i ended up holding on my chest the rest of the night while we all slept upright on the couch so they could breathe.

tuesday: 

2: the number of viruses i've had in the last week (alright, i realize that is farther off than 48 hours, but the second one started last night). one tummy bug. one cold.

5: the number of people in my household (read: everyone) who still have the cold.

30: the number of minutes i trudged my way through my workout...with a sore throat...today. beachbody les mills combat power HIIT (high intensity interval training) 1.

4: the number of bags of clothes and housewares we donated to goodwill today.

7: the number if bags i organized to donate to the watts healthcare organization WIC program.

11: the number of boxes precariously stacked in my living room, kitchen nook and kitchen.

2: the number of times nolan's head smashed into my nose while he was having a HARDCORE meltdown. 

10: the number of minutes i rocked him in the glider (somewhat against his will in the beginning) before he conked out after declaring for hours that he wasn't tired. 

4: the number of people asleep in my house at 8pm as i finish this post with two sleeping babes on the nursing pillow in front of me. getting ready to attempt the transfer and start back at packing. no rest for momma.

5: the number of nights to go until movers arrive at our house sunday early afternoon.

1 million: the number of things to do before then.

here is a pic of my sweet, sa-weaty little man after melting down for 10 minutes and then rocking...then melting...the rocking...until he passed out. it is seriously hard work to be a three-year-old big brother. :(

sleeping babes...11 weeks. alice left, lilah right. fingers crossed for a successful transfer. :)