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32+5...all bebe |
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as you can see...belly is preeeeeeeettttyyy straight out from the front. haha. (also...pay no mind to the mugshot expression. it had been a long morning) ;) | |
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my sweet baby a (32+5) with the cord covering her face a bit. baby b was camera shy. |
wowsa...it has been a long time...august 2012 was my last post. well,
a whole lot has happened, but i have no time for updates now. it is
suffice to say that the last time i posted, i had no babies in my belly
and now i am nearly 33 weeks pregnant with twin little gals.
the
first 20 weeks were hell. i was literally walking (on a good day) dead.
to the ER for the day once and a five day stay in the hospital a week
later. gross. weeks 20-24ish were slightly better. i was finally off my
anti-nausea medications, but still pretty out of it. then i felt good
for about one month, which was awesome, but short lived. from about
28/29 weeks until now (and i'm sure as we continue) has been rough again
in its own way. low energy, uncomfortable, anxious, nauseous at
night...yadda, yadda. when i was pregnant with nolan, i was walking a
minimum of three miles daily up until the day i went into labor. i can
barely walk the 500 yards down the street to the park without
contracting. it is a whole different ball game. and not necessarily a
fun game at that.
anyway...this pregnancy has been a
HUGE lesson in a) figuring out what i need, b) letting go, c) asking for
help and most recently, d) using my voice to express my
feelings/opinions/desires/wants when it comes to this pregnancy.
seems
like a, b, and c are probably pretty self explanatory and to save time
and energy, i will just hope to remember them when i re-read this someday and will
focus on d: using my voice. namely in regards to the fact that this is my body and these are my
babies, thus...i should be a key player in the decisions being made.
thank you. the end. ok...not really...i'm much to chatty for that the
be the end of the post, just the end of that particular summed up point.
now comes the most recent story/ies.
if you know me
much at all, you should be able to easily assume that there is no way on
the planet that i was going to have a c-section simply because these
bubs are two and not one. thus begins my journey of figuring out how to
best assist my body and the girls to move into the most ideal positions.
a little more than a month ago, i had an ultrasound that showed they
had both turned breech (heads up, feet down)...while there are docs that
will deliver breech babies, mine isn't one of them (and insurance is
king, isn't it? boo). if they stayed breech (in spite of ALL my to-be
efforts that range in level of crazy from totally normal to a pretty
nuts), i would have pretty much zero option other than a c-section.
don't get me wrong, i am very thankful that c-sections exist for
situations in which they are 100% indicated. i just don't believe that
is or has been the case with me at any points in the past 33 weeks.
lucky
for me...and thanks to a lot of talking to the girls, positive
thoughts, praying, listenting to hypnobabies affirmations, essentially
standing on my head (a la: spinningbabies.com) and help from the most
amazing chiropractor ever with the biggest heart i've ever seen (maura,
i'm eternally indebted to you for all your hard work and love) they have
turned and stayed turned for the last four-ish weeks (if they decide to
flip again, i assure you, i'll get much, much wackier than the above to
try to turn them)! crisis averted (at least for a time). however,
during the time between the breech ultrasound and the head down
ultrasound, you best believe in addition to my spinning efforts, i was
researching the sh-- out of breech births and trying to figure out what
my game plan was gonna be if they didn't turn. i pretty much didn't
sleep for three days.
once they turned, i thought..."yes!
as long as they stay, i'm home free!". well, possibly not so much. i
guess technically i won't know a whole lot more until my next ob
appointment next week, but my most recent appointment with him ended
with a bit of a confusion looming over it. babes looked great. position
still great, but as we wrapped up, i said i had many questions regarding
delivering the girls vaginally. he said, "let's talk about that a little
later when it is more certain...because i have a lot of opinions".
uh...ok. i was a little baffled and wasn't sure what to say. it took me a
minute to arrange my thoughts and let that sink in and try to figure
out what it meant and by that time, he was walking out the door. so as
he went i said, "well, i hope they align with my opinions..." and that
was that.
commence freakout. what are his opinions? is
there something that he isn't "going to let me do" that i want to? am i
not going to get the natural, gentle, vaginal birth i want even though
the girls are in the right places? i called my go-to girl (thanks,
kari), talked to anthony, called my doula, posted the situation on a
facebook group that i'm a part of made up of moms of multiples (or
expecting mamas of multiples) who have had/want natural births, messaged
a lovely midwife friend and researched like a mad woman.
some
of the advice i received was the same, some differed a bit, but it was
all incredibly useful. one piece of advice that was hard for me to
swallow at first because it didn't give me the hard and fast answer that
i wanted was this, "maybe this IS how its supposed to go, you know? so
that you can really
find your voice in this and hear the truth that is moving through you.
you are the one who will be giving birth to these ladies and they have
chosen you as their mother. you will find your way and they will help
you". wowsa. this wise, wise mama could not have been more right.
i
was also given advice that helped me get out of my head, into my heart and
onto paper. what ended up happening is that through my research and soul
searching, i realized that the "questions" that i had for my ob were
not questions at all. they are in fact my hard and fast desires for how
this delivery will go and now, backed up with research (because that's
just how i am), i feel confident that there is no reason that i
shouldn't have it MY WAY (obviously unless there are emergency
circumstances as things progress...which clearly there will not be).
instead of writing out those "questions," i wrote out my birth plan. and
i wrote it out with strength, confidence and oodles of conviction. i no
longer have to stew over everything for the time between my
appointments, i feel so free! i have found my voice, y'all.
and
i got to use that voice again today. practice makes perfect, you know.
;) i visited my perinatologist and again, babies look great. they are
still in the same "favorable" positions and perfect size. baby a is 4#10
oz and baby b is 4#9 oz, measuring exactly right for their gestational
age. i should note, that also means that i have 9oz more baby in me now
at just shy of 33 weeks as i did when i delivered nolan at 40 weeks, 1
day (8#10oz)...woah! my belly doesn't feel all squishy at all. i passed
my glucose test (weeks ago) with flying colors and i've only gained 21#
from my pre-pregnancy weight (after gaining back the 15# i lost in the
beginning). but...my amniotic fluid levels were apparently a little
higher than ideal, so she recommended that i re-take the glucose test.
now...if
you have never been a pregnant mama, you may not know how much of a
pain that stupid test is. first, you have to drink this nasty, nasty
sugar drink all chuck full of disgusting things that i don't normally
want in my body in the first place. then you have to have your blood
drawn and then you get to feel like crap all day because of said nasty
sugar drink. i was not super pleased about her recommendation, but my first
response was, "gee, that sucks. ok. i'll go next door to the ob's office
when i leave to get the nasty drink so i can be re-tested at my
appointment next week". and i did just that. then i got home, talked to
anthony and re-thought all the points that i mentioned above that point
to pretty much zero possibility of me having gestational diabetes and
decided to call my doc. he called me back a few hours later informing me
that he felt that re-taking the test was unnecessary. phew. had i not spoke up, i would have gone through all that yuck for nothing.
i'm feeling my voice getting stronger and stronger. what's next, docs? bring it on...but let me think about things for a minute before i have to make any decisions because i may have to remind myself again to listen to my body, my babies and my heart.