purple potpie...the accidental/delicous ode to lavender.

today was a great success. grandma (my mom) was out the door to work by 7:45am. anthony was out the door to work by 8:15am. i was solo with the babes from 8:15am-5:15pm and there were very few meltdowns. we had breakfast. the girls napped while i got nolan ready for the day. the girls woke up in the perfect amount of time to change them and go check out a house for rent. it NEEDS to be ours. sadly we are second in line, so fingers and toes are crossed. it is one cul d'sac away from the house that i grew up in until i was 18 years old, which is a little weird, but also kind of cool. right from the house, we headed to the library for new books, play time and story time. i met two new lady friends complete with phone number exchange (yes!) and may have found a new hair stylist who gives a mighty-fine short hair cut (yes, yes!). during story time, i managed to nurse both girls (individually and without flashing anyone) and get them both to sleep in ergos while nolan enjoyed himself almost the whole time (until it got a little rambunctious and loud and he decided we needed to leave). the clouds had parted and the rain had stopped, so we decided to leave the car and walk home. got home, had lunch, nursed babies, both girls fell asleep, nolan fell asleep, i cooked like a crazy lady...see below. the girls woke up. we read some books, changed some diapers and headed back out, luckily under clear skies, to retrieve the car, returning just in time for grandma to arrive home from work and for us to eat dinner. :)

this is where the purple potpie comes into play. :) when i was at the market on monday, they only had purple and rainbow carrots. i used the purple ones in the potpie filling. by the time i was finished cutting them, my fingertips were a bit grey. by the time the veggies had thoroughly sauteed, the pot had a slatey-purple hew to it. by the time it was finished cooking and served up on our plates, it was pretty bright lavender. if there is a holiday during which you celebrate by eating purple food and dressing in purple clothes, i now know what to cook! advent??

the adventure continues...

i've been gluten free (once again...pregnancy threw a hitch in things) for a little over a week. that doesn't really work with chicken potpie, so i decided that instead of making it in a pie crust, i would make biscuits for the fam and i would eat it by itself or maybe over some rice. to reduce the number of temptations lying around for me to drool over, i halfed the recipe. i have a history of messing this up and today proved no different. i successfully halfed the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda and butter. i got all that mixed up and cut in and then... i added the full amount of milk (altered with apple cider vinegar to make "buttermilk") that the original recipe called for. doh! if i had my wits about me, i would have got out a second bowl and mixed up the other half of all the dry ingredients and then cut in the other half of the butter and THEN added it to the original soupy mess of a bowl of dough. apparently, my wits were elsewhere. the kitchen was an explosion. ingredients were rough estimates rather than neat, accurate measures and they were all added and mixed up and kneaded together at all the wrong times. i forged ahead, rolled the mess, cut them with a mason jar lid as i couldn't find my mom's cookie cutters and shoved them woefully in the oven with little confidence.

if that wasn't bone-headed enough, midway through this madness, i popped a (relatively large) piece of dough (many may find that gross, but i'm a sucker for dough and batter of pretty much any sort) into my mouth without a second thought. so much for gluten free. dough! (ha...get it...like "doh"...oh dear, i'm a nerd) pretty sure flour doesn't make the cut.

but...when i started this, i told you it was a good day, so i'm pleased to announce that by some miracle, the biscuits were delicious (as i was told by mom, nolan and anthony and as i tasted for myself because as i already messed up the GFness of the day, i figured, why not? go big or stay at home, right?) and despite being bright purple, the potpie filling was super yummy. nolan even cleaned his plate without a fuss, which i doubted a bit when i put that purple goo in front of him. haha.

phew. thank you, pioneer woman for your wise ways...and thank you for not being offended (or maybe you would be, if you ever knew) when i alter your recipes.

pioneer woman's chicken potpie (sans pie) with my alterations:

ingredients:
3 celery stalks
3 medium carrots (perhaps not purple ones) - mine were smallish, so i think i did more like 5
1 large yellow onion
1/2 stick (4 tblsp) butter
1/2 frozen peas - i think i put in more like a cup)
2 cups cooked chicken - probably put in more
1/4 cup all-purpose flour - substituted arrowroot, great for thickening and gluten free
2 cups chicken broth
1 chicken bouillon cube - i omitted this
1/2 cup white wine (optional) - i omitted this
1 cup heavy cream - i used whole milk
1 tsp ground thyme - i think i used way less and added some dry rosemary
1 tsp kosher salt - i used sea salt
black pepper to taste

1. finely dice all veggies. i also added about 4 cloves of garlic, minced.
2. melt butter in large pot (or dutch oven, if you're fancy) and add all veggies, cooking until starting to turn translucent.
3. add chicken and stir to combine.
4. sprinkle with flour (or arrowroot, in my case) and let cook a few minutes, stirring gently.
5. add chicken broth and stir. add bouillon cube and wine, if using.
6. add cream (or whole milk, in my case) and let simmer until it is your desired consistency. she recommends about 4 minutes. i cooked mine a fair amount longer.
7. season with spices (i did this earlier and then added a bit more at this point).




i served it spooned over biscuits cut in half and with a big salad with more carrots and celery. it was awesome.

*to bake with a pie crust top, pour it into a large pie pan, cover the top with your crust and bake at 400 degrees for 30 minutes (or until crust is golden brown) and filling is bubbly. let cool 10 minutes before serving.

when we walked into story time, nolan made himself a name tag. he wrote it all on his own. can you see it? N-O-L-A-N

front row, baby

not liking the noise. ironic really because he LOVES to be loud and sing REALLY loud all the time. hmmmm...

somebody woke up on the way home. haha. lilah trying to bust out.

sweet sissy lilah peeking

smiley girl

the clouds were so pretty. blue sky mixed with dark stormy clouds and big fluffy friendly-looking white ones.

scary potpie midcooking.

at this point, i was a tad hopeful that they had turned out, but wasn't sure as it was time to head back out the door, not time to be tasting yummy baked goods. :)

we got back home in what appeared to be just the knick of time! much less friendly skies.

purple potpie. no filter. haha. and yup, served on christmas dishes. that's how we do.

i was even able to round out the evening with a workout, some computer work, writing this blog and making bug a sign for his first day of school tomorrow (pic to come in later post). i'm one tired momma. good night.

1,838,880 minutes...

*1,838,880 minutes...  or...

*30,648 hours...   or...

*1277 days...    or...

*183 weeks...  or...

*42 months...   or...

***3.5 years!!***

that's right! bug has officially passed the halfway point on his way to 4 years old! crazy talk. technically all those calculations are ten days off because he actually hit that mark on the 22nd of august (and i started this back then). and i'm no math genius so they may all be off. haha! but you get the gist. ;)

the year of the threes has been an interesting one. bug has had preeeeeetty much constant transition. :/ we have most definitely had our fair share of pull-your-hair-out-bedtime-can't-come-fast-enough days, but we have also had a whole lot of really freaking awesome days that i wish wouldn't end too. 

language has been HUGE for bug this year. he was seemingly a little delayed in this area, but man, oh man, when three hit, he just exploded! and now it seems like every passing day, his language develops more and more. there are still some letters that he swaps around and some sound combinations that trip him up, but i can understand almost everything he says and the real kicker, strangers can too! being able to talk to him and have him really know what he wants to say and be able to say it has made our relationship so much better. 

some of his favorite things to say are: 

*"let's have a conversation..."

*"that sounds like a great idea!"

*"i can do that all by myself. what a big boy!"

*"hi! i'm nolan. what's your name?" - followed by a glance and a proud smile toward mama.

*"i see...baseball players______." - fill in the blank with any number of things that he should be doing...use the big potty, eat their lunch, wear big boy underwear, where sweatshirts when it is cold, listen to their mothers (wink, wink), pick up their toys...you get it. :)

*"why?"

*"can we go somewhere?"

*"so what we can do today?" - in that order. :) this is one of my favorites.

he is such a doting and loving big brother. he reads to the girls. he is ALWAYS loving on them if they are on the floor. he sings to them in the car when they are upset (frequently, as they hate their carseats). he LOVES to dance "with" them. he asks to hold them pretty much daily. he asks where they are and how they are doing, if he doesn't see them anywhere (uhm...like if they are sleeping in the other room). he brings toys over to wherever they are hanging out and sets the toys all around them. he alerts us to drool when they are sitting on our laps facing toward him and away from us. it has been so fun to watch their relationships change even in the four short months that they have been around. and i can't wait to continue to watch them grow together.

there have also been a number of big developments that sort of happened over night in the past month and a half that we have been in oregon. in fact, he has grown sooooo much since our move. he is basically a completely different kid. haha. 

he never wants to ride in the stroller, always wants to walk (read: run full speed and terrify me on busy street sidewalks). 

he plays independently for large chunks of time...like even in another room!! it is kind of amazing. he sets up "parties" for his "friends" (stuffed animals) and "cooks" them all sorts of food. he has full conversations with his toys, giving them voices and all. sooooo fun to watch and listen to...while hiding out if sight. :)

he wears little boy boxer briefs. holy cow. one of the cutest things in existence. honestly, there were times when i never thought the day would come. we had watched videos, read books and had a little potty available for probably over a year. he has been in the bathroom with us everyday since...uhm...just about birth (or pretty darn close to it). we had watched his friends use the potty. we had talked about it 'til we were blue in the face. when we moved here, we started a super low-key sticker chart with the only reward being the sticker itself. :) we got him big boy undies. and then bam...one day he was all about it. no pressure. no epic battles, just good old fashion wait until he was ready. we still have night time to contend with, which apparently is pretty much strictly a biological when-their-body-is-ready sort of a thing that can take years (shout out to our family friend and urologist dr. chad for that jewel of information). and then there is the dreaded (and apparently terrifying) number two...but we are well on the way! yay, bug! oh yeah...and when he has to go, he goes in, gets the stool and his little seat set up, sits, does business, flushes, gets the sink stool set up, turns on the faucet, squirts the soap, scrubs, rinses, turns off the faucet, dries his hands and then picks out a sticker...all by himself. what a big boy. ;) 

he likes to help fold the laundry and does it more neatly than some adult men I know...no names shall be mentioned. ;)

when he is eating and you ask him a question, he'll often say, "i'll have to tell you later...after this bite" and then chews. or if he is already chewing, he'll silently point to his mouth.  :) these ones make me especially proud. haha. though...he also frequently spits out bites that "taste funny" and plays with his milk, sometimes spitting it back into the cup (gross), so i'll take what i can get, but we have some room or improvement. ha!

the newest (and one of the most exciting) thing bug has been working on is going to sleep on his own. we have co-slept in some form or another since he was born. we (he and us) loved it most nights. then there were the nights when i swore up and down that "we have got to figure something else out. this isn't working!" sprinkled in here and there that we thankfully worked through. but now we have hit a point where he is really ready. since about last november, the routine went a little something like this: bath, get ready for bed (brush and floss teeth, coconut oil, jammies, etc), read three books and then lay there with him until he fell asleep. when i was pregnant, this was great as that was pretty much all i could do anyway. when the girls came, it was still ok for a while because anthony was home and when he wasn't the girls were pretty sleepy so they just went along for the ride. but sometimes he would fight it and hold out for over an hour and a half. now that the girls are a little older, laying in a dark room with him for ever just doesn't really work. and ironically, it got to a point where he would fight and fight sleep while i was in there, but as soon as i would give him a time frame, hug, kiss, tuck him in and leave, he would fall asleep within 10 minutes. i think that some of it was that it was time for just the two of us where he got just mama to lay next to him and he wanted to take each minute in (which is so sweet and kinda breaks my heart too), but he was going to bed super late (for him at least) and still waking up at the same early time in the morning and just losing sleep. so...we talked about it and he was/is clearly ready for a change. it is something we've been working on very slowly and patiently over the past month and then, just like with the potty learning, this week something clicked and we have had great success. i would say out of seven nap times and seven bedtimes in the past week, we are probably four for seven and six for seven. not too shabby!

it is funny. parenting is such an adventure and sometimes a bit of a roller coaster. sometimes you question the decisions you've made on how to parent your child. sometimes in the tough moments you think, "what the hell were we thinking?" but then when your kid makes great strides with big changes and it is done slowly and patiently and gently, and you finally see that success, it really makes all those questions and doubts just float away. waiting for bug to be "ready" for any number of things hasn't always been the easy thing to do. there have been times where i have been so incredibly frustrated with things. it hasn't always been the mainstream thing to do. it hasn't always been "approved" by our family. but i know more and more everyday, that the decisions that we researched and thought about and decided on for our family and for nolan (and now the girls) are exactly right for us.

happy (belated) half birthday, buddy! you are such an incredible little being with so very much heart and passion, energy and determination. thank you for being you. you have so many gifts that will serve you so well as you grow. thank you for teaching me to be a better momma and a better person every day. i love you so much. xoxoxox

bug's favorite outfit. dodgers jersey, baseball pants, angels hat and blue & red wellies

he is such an amazing big brother.

"hello, owl. meet owl. kissy"

silly boy

he is one of the best lego airplane constructors ever. this is him with his flight tower, airplanes and runway

he is such an observer. he is imitating me nursing the twins. apparently he has quads. :)

painting fun! learning about colors and mixing

my budding artist. :)

the kid loves to make handprints

nearly uncaptionable.
dirty, dirty baseball player in swim diaper (pre-potty learning). amazing.
check out the dirt 'stache.

training him up right. ;)

he LOVES going to the freddie's play land while i grocery shop so much that i have to sit around and wait after shopping to pick him up (it doesn't open until 11:00...what?! how helpful is that? don't all mommas go to the market in the early am??

big boy undies!!!

a quick stop by to visit gma's work and we found some dress-up play! :) future crossing guard.

across the parking lot from the library entrance is a little forest that he likes to play in. this is him running through the trees.

bug's first carnival ride and first trip to the fair! he had such a big day!

flying high in the sky on the spaceship ride

bug is also the most curious ice cream cone eater you'll ever meet. cuckoo bear.

not only is he a huge part of my motivation to workout, he helps me along the way too! xo

last year when we visited oregon, i could barely get him to jump into the wading pool. amazing what a year can do!

kick, kick, kick, kick!

his party on the patio. books are plates. coasters are pancakes...clearly. joined by his buddies, koala, owl, monkey, monkey and elmo. :)

proud big brother loving on alice

and with lilah bear

since this pic was taken, the open space on the page has been pretty much covered and doesn't count when we are out and about. so proud of him. pay no mind to the water marks. i assure you, they are just from water on the counter. toddler hand washing isn't the neatest experience.

"mommy, i have a little bottle stuck up my nose". what?!

nolan woke me up this morning telling me his nose hurt and that he had a "little bottle" up it. i was tired and my eyes were blurry, but i was quite certain that there was no "little bottle" hanging from my kids face. also...the girls don't drink from bottles thus, there are no bottles sitting around the house.

i tried to ask him questions to figure out what in the world he was talking about. no luck. he then said, "i have to show you," walked out of the room and came back in with the (empty) "little bottle" portion of the newborn/infant liquid homeopathic camilia that i had given lilah late last night after being awake for hours (and hours). it was at that point that I realized (in my sleepy fog) what had happened. he had found the top somewhere in the other room, shoved the twist off top up his nose and then proceeded to push it waaaaaayyy up there with his finger trying to get it out.

i grabbed my iphone with its trusty flashlight app, laid him down and peered up his right nostril. you know what i found? nothing. just a great deal of snot. i asked again, "bug, are you sure you shoved the top of this up your nose?" and touched near the bridge if his nose. his flinch and "OUCH!" answered my question. cue panic. i tried to look up there again, tweezers in hand, but all I fished out was a booger. cue second flood of panic.

as we have yet to visit out new oregon doctor, i chose to call our old california doctor for some guidance, with a fear that they were going to send us to the closest urgent care/er for an x-ray and some crazy extraction. as we waited for the return call, i got the crazy wild idea (ha) to have him try and blow it out. a few hard blows and ta-dah!! out it came. thank heavens. 

hoping the fear of having someone take something crazy out if his nose will prevent any further occurrences... hopefully. and maybe it will help me remember to throw away small odd little things that are so tempting to small nostrils. oy.

below are the angle shots so you can really get a feel for the situation...and a picture next to my fingernail for size comparison. uhm...ouch. kids are weird.

"'Cause you've got...personality!"

late last week, my baby girls turned four months old. i am endlessly amazed at how fast time has passed and yet how it seems like they have been a part if our family forever.

this twins business has been such a crazy and amazing adventure. the thing that i'm currently the most intregued by is the difference in their personalities. obviously they are separate little beings, but somehow it still almost shocks me. haha. as i think back to pregnancy, i suppose i could even see it then...or feel it to be more accurate. :) 

alice, aka: baby a. she was waaaaayyy more active in the womb, constantly kicking me. today, she is the roller (technically they both roll belly to back, but alice does it much more frequently and she also rolls back to belly...pretty much as soon as you lay her down). if she manages to stay on her back for more than a few seconds, she kicks like a pro soccer player...or swimmer... or something/someone else that/who kicks fast and frequently. :) she is more laid back in temperament, quieter, seemingly more patient and quicker to smile, but once she is angry/frustrated/overtired/etc, you better watch out! ha! she will tell you all about it! she is sleepiest during the day and likes to nurse to sleep. she HATES her carseat and rather enjoys cozying up in the ergo for walks and other adventures. she is an observer and seems like she takes in all of her surroundings.

sweet alice

alice 4 months

4 months

alice kicks - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qdy2Rr_zPVE

lilah, aka: baby b. physically calmer from the start, i didn't feel her move nearly as much as sissy alice, but she made her presence (and determination) known with her many breach/vertex switches. she helped me out tremendously by staying vertex (head down) for the last couple months so i was able to continue on with my natural birth plans without a battle and then at the. very. last. minute. she surprised us all with her feet first! tricky little squirt! she REALLY wanted to come to enter the world her way! :) when trying to grab a toy, she moves with slow, careful deliberation and growls when it doesn't end as she wishes. her focus is incredible. she is a chatter box...like seriously rarely stops talking. haha. she is super sensitive - easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, but also a cuddle bug. she LOVES grandma. she prefers being walked to fall asleep. she is a rather amazing night sleeper (most nights), but no so keen on the nap scene.

lilah bear

lilah 4 months

four months

determined lilah and the blue birdy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UExOUO3f-3U

but with all that said, they are also similar in a number of ways. they are enamored with their big brother. they seemingly hate to tandem nurse these days, which is rather inconvenient, but can you really blame them? it's way cozier to be nestled individually into mama's arms than laying on your back on a fancy pillow being smacked in the face by your sister's hand while a boob is dangled precariously in your face. ha. they love the bath, but hate the getting dressed part that follows. they are belly sleepers, through and through. they aren't such big fans of bouncy seats, swings or any other mechanism for being held other than human arms. they like being outside and will instantly calm down if they are melting and you take them out. they do not understand the function of a pacifier (probably because i refuse to offer it except as an emergency when stuck in the car mid-melt). they smile with their whole hearts and souls when you walk into a room after they wake up. and they have both completely stolen our hearts.

my sweet girls

"sharing" sophie :)

sissies - four months, 1 week - lilah left

sleepy sissies. four months, one week. alice left.

tummy time! four months, one week. alice left. 

sorry for the crazy delay, but HAPPY FOUR MONTHS, little gals!! it is going to be so incredible to watch you grow and to see stays the same and what changes. i'm sure you are going to have surprises for me at every turn!

my open apology to the facebook world and the blogosphere

it has been brought to my attention (however ungracefully) that i may owe all of you out there in cyberspace an apology.

in my efforts to be a real, authentic and a no walls up person/woman/mother, i have perhaps been too honest. my goal was never to hurt anyone, but instead to say the things that many of us think but don't say, to make it so my other mama friends (or anyone really) don't feel alone or like they are failing when times are tough. and of course... to get out some of my own emotions, work through things, vent and seek support when i need it. clearly... too much. too public. for this, i'm deeply, deeply sorry.

if i have made you angry, uncomfortable, anxious, frustrated, irritated, hurt or any other negative feeling, you have my most sincere apologies.

times have been a bit tough with a ton of transition in a very short period of time and we've been in a bit of a funk over here. but we are working through it all. i don't want anyone for a minute to think that our struggles make me love my children any less than whole-heartedly. they are my world. they are my everything. i want nothing but the absolute best for them and do everything in my power to make that happen.

motherhood is hard. harder than i ever imagined it would be. i know i'm not perfect. i know i have many, many areas with room for improvement. i lose my patience. i get frustrated. but motherhood is also the most incredible blessing i could have ever been given.  i consider it a great honor to shape these little ones' lives and i'm thankful for the lessons they teach me and that i get to be their mama.

so very many tears have been shed by me in the past 24 hours. relationships have been rocked to what i fear is the core, but through it all, i feel like my vision of what is important has become so much clearer and my confidence in the decisions we have made as a family has grown even stronger. and to top it off, in spite of the sad, hurt, angry emotions of today, i was able to put it behind me and me and my kids had an amazing day.

we may not have a lot of money or space or things. my kids may never go to the fanciest private school, drive brand new cars or wear designer clothes. they may not travel to europe until they can pay for it on their own. but they will get a great education. we will do fun activities as a family. they will be cultured. they will have a place to call home. if they have an activity or sport or whatever that they love and want to participate in, i will make it happen. and most importantly, they will feel loved and respected.

preschool and potty learning

saturday morning we went to a kids' festival in the park down the street. there was all kinds of fun for littles and tons of information booths for all kinds of local businesses and organizations. as we were winding down, i thought i'd swing by and chat with a couple preschools out of curiosity. 

before the twins, i imagined we would probably do some sort of co-op style, really low-key preschool. now that the girls are around...attitudes have changed. ;) momma really needs a couple hours, a couple days a week sans spirited toddler. and...nolan is now three and a half. so as we work to figure out where we are going to land here in oregon, preschool is certainly on our minds. but...it has recently been brought to my attention that most preschools require babes to be reliably using the toilet. well, crap (literally). we are slowly but surely working on it, but we are trying to respect nolan's timing, his readiness and the fact that he has had a ridiculous amount of transition in the last four months (and more yet to come). what does all that mean? well, it means that there is nothing near "reliable toilet use".

anyway...so i'm chatting with this gal about her pre-school and before i could even get to philosophy, etc., i asked about the potty situation. 

this was her response, "sure. we can help with that.

the child can wear pull-ups throughout the day and if they have a bowel movement, we will have to call you to come and change it". 

really? really? first, how is that helping? second, if you honestly are going to let my kid sit in poop for however long it takes you to get a hold of me and then have me drop whatever i'm doing (with twin babies) and drive to the school to change a diaper, i have zero desire for you to be a part if my child's development. why not just say, "sorry, we don't do diapers".

maybe this is not an out of the ordinary protocol and maybe i'm more irritated by this than most, but i just think it is silly...and disrespectful to me and my kid.

thoughts?

bug's first swear

three years, five months and nine days. that is how long it took before nolan uttered his first "bad word". in all honesty, i'm shocked it took that long. we probably aren't the worst out there, but we certainly haven't watched our language as much as many (most?) parents do. 

picture this:

breakfast table. two days ago. bug was sitting in between grandma and me (all on our own sides of a square table). I was holding one of the girls (alice, i think, but not totally sure... i knew at the time, just don't remember now. ha!). something happened with said sister that caught me off guard (what that something was has also escaped my memory). 

me: "what the?" (and consciously stopped there)

nolan: "hell?" (but in his sweet toddler voice it was really more "hew" or "heow"... i'm terrible with phonetics)

me: "what was that, bug?" (with my face half covered trying desperately not to crack up)

nolan: "what the hell?"

haha! despite my best efforts, i busted up laughing. i then explained that those are "grown up words," apologized for saying them sometimes myself and then promised to try really hard not to say them again and requested that he do the same. astonishingly, that was the end if it and haven't heard it again... yet.

i really must say, of all the nasties he's heard, we got off pretty easy on this one. nice example setting, mom. guess it's time for me to shape up and fly right. ha.