We seem to be on a rhythm of one super awesome, smooth, nothing but fun week, followed by two REAAAALLY rough, pull-your-hair-out, count-down-the-minutes-to-bedtime weeks, then back to smooth, and then...well...you get it. We were in the heart of loooooong stretch of ugly late last week and I was nearing my breaking point when a few things crossed my path of awareness.
First, we went to our preschool's Harvest Festival and Lantern Walk - 24ish preschoolers, plus older and younger siblings, plus parents, one medium-ish sized room, a potluck dinner (that my baby girls ate zero of), freezing (literally) temps for a short walk in the woods lit by lanterns (preschoolers and fire) and then clean up. It was after this somewhat beautiful (and rather overstimulating) event that I realized something...something very simple, but so important. This is just what 4.5-years-old looks like. That's it. It isn't that my world is upside down and all out of sorts. I'm not doing it all wrong and ruining my kid. It is that 4.5 is crazy. Fast running, rough playing, loud voices, big emotions, crazy. My heart settled slightly.
Second, I came across an article on Scary Mommy (if you are unfamiliar with this blog, immediately familiarize yourself). It is entitled "Wound Up Parent Syndrome (WUPS)". As always on this site, the author uses humor to make you think...and feel, to bring you down from your cliff and make you understand that you are not alone. If you have small children, it is really a must read. Parenting is hard. Motherhood is hard, even alienating at times. It is amazing and I'm eternally grateful for my job as Momma, but holy moly, sometimes you need to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE and YES, THIS STUFF IS NUTS!
Finally, way back when the girls were born, I was told about a podcast called One Bad Mother (they also have an FB page) . I listened to it in the weeeeee (I mean wee) morning hours to try and keep myself from falling asleep sitting up on the couch, strapped into a giant pillow with my babies hooked on to my boobs. ;) After a while, with packing and an out-of-state move and starting Beachbody Coaching and wanting to listen to trainings and the rest of crazy life, I sort of lost track of it. I'm so happy that last week, I discovered it once more! This episode is about mommy ruts. What they are, how to break them and a whole lot of laughter. Ruts, y'all. Ruts. This is a great episode. Check them out! Though be warned: lots of swearing. If that isn't your bag, you may wanna hold off. ;)
I'm pretty sure these three occurrences were aligned by the Universe
especially for me to talk me down and bring me back to my heart and my
life. This is it. This is life. Three beautiful (albeit crazy) babes
running laps around my house (literally...we have a floor plan that is
equal to having a race track in our home), screaming and laughing. Three
babes who do not always want to play together or sometimes all want the
same toy. Three babes who are learning how to negotiate social
expectations. Hours spent in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up. Hours
spent trying to get out of the house...and then trying to get home in
time for the next meal or sleep time. Too few showers. So much laundry.
Tears. Laughter. Joy. Frustration. LOVE. This is it. It is hard as hell,
but I'm not alone...I can do this and I am so grateful that THIS is my