when you have a baby, things take a little more time

*getting out of the house.  enough said.

*road trips may take hours longer due to stops for diapers, milkies and a little play time.

*blogs may be few and far between and take 3 days to complete.

*dirty dishes may sit in the sink over night because you're running late for bath/bedtime and then you don't want to make loud clanking noises once the baby's asleep.

*showers may be days apart...don't judge...why do you think we mamas get in the tub with our kiddos.  a 10 minute soak is better than nothing.  ;)

*though the recipe states the total time to be 45 minutes, meals may take hours to prepare because it must be done in pieces...cut onions, play with baby, defrost meat, play with baby, cut veggies, play with baby, set up rice to cook, play with baby, you get the point.

*laundry may sit either folded or unfolded on the couch just a touch longer than desired (and end up all over the floor due to a "helpful" baby).

*christmas trees may take over a week to finish decorating (alright...partially due to hubby's crazy work schedule).  we put it up on december 7th.  today is the 15th.  we were hopeful to finish it tonight...this hope dies a little more with each minute that ticks by.

yet, despite the fact that all of these things and so many more are stretched out over way more time than they used to be, the days, weeks and months fly right by.  why, oh why can't they be a little bit longer?  i wish i could hit pause at least once a day to really take in everything that is going on our lives and in the world that surrounds us.  we are a week away from nolan being 10 months old and one year is just around the corner...it boggles my mind.  where does the time go?

betty white

way back in october, betty white came to the santa monica barnes & noble for a book signing.  i was pretty much obligated to attend.  as a little girl, my dad taped the "golden girls".  we had multiple vhs tapes full of the show.  golden girls 1, golden girls 2, golden girls 3, etc. we watched them so frequently and for so many years that the ol' tapes gave out.  the music in between scenes sounded all distorted and funny and there were serious tracking issues (oh vhs...).  this all started before i was five, so you can see, me and betty go way back.  my dear sweet big brother even called me "rose nylund" now and again on account of my poor story telling skills (so, you see it is really somewhat unfortunate that i have decided to start a blog).

apparently there are many people with similar stories.  betty was in such high demand that it was a "wrist band event".  meaning, i had to go to the bookstore the morning of the event, buy the book, show them my receipt and receive a wrist band.  then, that evening, i had to return an hour before the book signing to line-up.  there were people waiting outside the store before it opened to be first in line to receive wrist bands.  i wasn't that nuts.  i have a baby for heaven sake.  but, i still managed to make it in the "a" group...going in just behind the members. 

the lining up started at 6:00 pm (perfect timing for a book signing...wait...no...that is nolan's get ready for bed time...).  when i arrived (at 6:00), there were probably already 150 people there.  luckily, i was an "a" and shot straight to the front(ish) of the line.  my dear sweet hubby dropped me off then went to pick us up some burritos before returning to wait in line with me.  :) so sweet. 

after 2 1/2 hours minutes of waiting, i got to meet the infamous betty white.  she is just as gooey sweet as you may imagine.  taking the time to graciously thank each and every person for coming out.  nicely going along as we all said dumb "golden girls" quotes and giggled nervously (alright...maybe not all of us, but i did).  she even stopped the signing line to hold some lady's dog and take pictures, at which point i thought, "hmmm...maybe she will think nolan is so cute that she'll take a picture holding him too!"...no, she didn't.  she did however comment on his cuteness.  i'll take it. 

betty was great.  nolan was even better.  we didn't get home until 9:00, but he was a peach the whole time.  and to think...i almost didn't go because i was worried about the timing.  

 i brought her a piece of cheesecake in honor of "the girls"

 i'm not proposing...i just wanted nolan to be able to see her.  :)

loving fall flavors!

in the days (and years) before nolan, anthony and i took daily trips to the grocery store.  we bought one meal's worth of food at a time.  looking back now, i think..."man we were nuts" and..."it's a good thing the grocery store is less than a quarter of a mile away". 

while i was pregnant, i was a tiny bit better and went every couple of days (mainly because i felt like death for a good five months of my pregnancy and that's all the energy i could muster up).  but, even then...nothing sounded good, so i still did a lot of one meal shopping depending on what i thought might stay down for that meal.  :(

it didn't take long after nolan was born to realize that this multiple-shopping-trips-a-week business was not going to happen.  now i sit down sunday night (or monday morning if procrastination wins) and make a menu for the week and from that menu, i make a grocery list.  i go to the store one time.  my life is so much easier.  well, at least thinking up what to make for dinner on a given night is easier.

another new addition to the dinner excitement in our house is more seasonal cooking!  glazed apple-spice cake (http://www.wholeliving.com/recipe/glazed-apple-spice-cake), pureed apples and pears for nolan, and man, how did i ever live without squash!  all i knew of squash was small, yellow summer squash that you often cook in combination with zucchini, which don't get me wrong is delicious.  but...my world has changed with the introduction of winter squash! 

a previous blog post documented my foray into butternut squash (http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/pureed-butternut-squash-soups).  since then, i have found the deliciousness what is acorn squash (all because a friend bought a bunch of decorative squash(es?) for the sanctuary family picnic and i ended up taking a few home...including said acorn).  i started by cooking some for nolan.  i just cut the whole thing in half, peel and all, threw it in a baking dish and baked it for about an hour, scooped out the goodies and pureed it up.  he loved it!

last week(ish) i found a recipe for butternut orzo risotto.  now, don't be confused.  there was actually no risotto involved, so i'm not sure why it is called that...well, i suppose it is because you prepare the orzo similarly to how you would prepare risotto.  but, if that is the case it should really have been called "butternut squash orzo cooked like risotto," if you ask me.  anyway...i digress.  so, no risotto.  i also replaced the butternut with an acorn squash and omitted the fresh sage from the recipe (because i was too cheap to buy that many fresh herbs).  this meal was AMAZING and pretty healthy too!!  we loved it so much that it has been moved up in the dinner cycle and i'm making it again on sunday!  i didn't get any pictures of it, but i assure you...it is more than worth at try.  http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Butternut-Orzo-Risotto

so, apples, pears, butternut and acorn squash...check, check, check and check.  next: what in the world is a persimmon??

nolan's first halloween

so, as warned...here is the first of a few "past due" posts.

halloween has long been one of my favorite holidays.  i love drinking hot cider and picking out my pumpkin at a real pumpkin patch.  i love carving jack-o-lanterns and i love costumes and trick-or-treating!  in fact, i trick-or-treated right up through high school (with my lovely friend michelle (gustafson) macarthur...and we only got egged once...oh...sad).  so by 28, i've had a lot of costumes and a few repeats!  some of my favorites have been a pretty sweet bat (with a matching bat costume for my baby doll) both made by my mama when i was little, a cheerleader three times (once in first-ish grade...thanks ma, once in 10th grade and once in college), a geisha twice (once in elementary school and once in 2007 on a very memorable night), tinkerbell (thank you caitlin for an awesome dress!) and i think my all-time favorite had to be when i was helen parr, aka elastigirl, aka mrs. incredible (from the incredibles).  that costume was made by me...and awesome.

this year we had lofty goals.  i refused to have a pumpkin from a grocery store and we planned to have family costumes all of the same theme.  then we remembered that we had an 8-month-old baby.  trick-or-treating? kinda pointless and out.  family themed costumes?   too much time to put together (and $$).  sipping hot cider?  it was 100 degrees the day we drove (an hour mind you) to the pumpkin patch.  next year.  next year for sure.

in spite of a lack of cider, the lengthy car ride and ridiculous heat, the pumpkin patch was pretty cool.  the pumpkins were merely placed out in a field on hay instead of us getting to traipse through mud, but it was a real farm with tons of fun things to do.  again, a little wasted on nolan this year, but certainly a fun tradition to start! we watched a live bluegrass band, went on a wagon ride around the farm, saw lots of animals (including a piglet race...hmmm...), ate yummy food and picked out pumpkins (obviously).

as for costumes, we bagged the idea that we were all going to dress up and decided just nolan this year.  we nearly squeezed him into a slightly too small and very warm, but cute monkey costume, but decided against it.  in the end, we had a very sweet little golfer, entirely assembled of articles of clothing we already had!  sweet! we chose to omit the golf club from the costume due to potential harm to himself and others.  ;)

we also bagged the trick-or-treating idea and went to a park in venice to hang out with some friends.  there was a neighborhood halloween get together going on at the park with tons of little ones all dressed up.  it was so cute to see all the costumes.  we stayed out of the main event and chilled out on a blanket in the grass playing with toys and then went to the rothschilds' for some delicious pizza!

 (that's superman on nolan's right)

 as per usual, we ate pizza, nolan ate books...

we did get the pumpkins carved, but not until we returned home from all the fun at the park and the rothschilds', so they never made it outside for display.  also, mine was too terrible to even earn a picture.  :)  not sure nolan was really into this part either, but fun for us!

 nolan put his finger over the flash to add a creepy red tint to the picture...he's so creative.  ;)

 jack

 

all in all, a great first halloween.  maybe next year it won't be so crazy hot and i'll bring my own cider.  :)  and i promise...our entire family will be in costume.  

a month without a computer seems like eternity (which is really sad, i realize)

so, our computer caught (does technology catch something?) a virus.  boo.  i took it to the geek squad at best buy and they wanted nearly $500 to fix it.  sick.  you can buy a new (potentially slightly crappy, but new) computer for that!  luckily, anthony has techno-savvy friends!  the downside...they have real jobs too, so things take a bit longer.  now we have the computer back, all fixed up and a norton anti-virus program for the low, low price of a home-cooked meal and the anti-virus program! and we didn't lose anything!  freaking best buy.

in the last month so much has happened!  tons of development, of course, two new teeth and signs that more are on the way, a family picnic with lots of friends and babies from our midwifery center, a visit (albeit brief) from the grandpas, nolan's first halloween, lots of playdates, lots and lots of food, and a super-nasty cold for nolan and i.  as you can tell...there has been a number of things i would have liked to write blogs about, but had no 'puter!  so forgive me...my next few blogs will probably be a little bit "old news".

nolan is happy the computer is back too!

the things you can get done when you have a napping baby

man, this bed to the floor business is great.  nolan took a perfectly timed nap in the bed this evening.  i got to close the doors, turn on the baby monitor and make dinner.  tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays anthony works double shifts, so we don't get to see much of him.  therefore the timing of dinner (and said nap) is oh so important.  tonight the three of us got to sit down for a nice 15 minute dinner in between shifts!

when i planned the menu for the week, i was trying to embrace this oregon-like, fall weather we are having down here in santa monica.  tonight's adult menu: butternut squash soup (thank you martha stewart), hot turkey sammies on crusty bread and salad.  tonight's baby menu: butternut squash puree (thank you "super baby food" book).  conclusion: success on all fronts!

 so...this is what a butternut squash looks like on the inside...hmm...interesting...

 and it is a little tricky to peel...

 baby's in the back...ours in the front...

 soups all pureed up...man...what a mess!

mmmmmmmmmm.....anthony got to eat too...just not pictured.  

 ready for more

 learning to use the sippy cup...not quite there...but getting the hang of it.  it sure is slippery when everything is covered in squash!

 ha...two weeks of solids and this is the first funny face we've seen...interestingly enough, it was on the very last bite.  hmmm...

a mattress on the floor surrounded by pillows makes mama breathe easier

at long last we baby-proofed our bed!  unfortunately, it took nolan nose diving off of it for us to figure that out...silly first time parents.  note: at 6 1/2 months your baby is no longer a lump that stays where you put him! luckily, he is amazing and no serious damage was done. (thank you maura for your help).  after that sad, sad day i spent many a night going to bed at 7:00pm to snuggle and act as a human barrier. which i love doing, but now and again, i need to stay up just a little later.

nolan will turn 8 months old in two days and finally the problem has been solved.  frame apart and dispersed to odd places around the house.  box spring "hiding" against the wall in his room (ha...his room that is decorated as a nursery, but is pretty much entirely unused) waiting for me to go get a storage bag before we can move it into the garage.  mattress on the floor.  baby in the middle.  four pillows surrounding him.  five more on the around the edges of the bed, just in case.  mama up at 9:00pm writing a blog.  all is right with the world.

many of you may say..."why kimberly, don't you have a crib?  why don't you put him in that?"

to you i say..."because we love more than most anything to be able to snuggle up next to our little man, to kiss his head while he sleeps and to breathe in his little baby boy smell.  all of which will be gone before we know it.  way too soon. way too soon.  so, we are taking every possible minute of it in...well, with the exception of these two hours that he's been asleep and i've been up acting like an adult."

butter paddles

when my brother and i were kids, we used to say that we had butter paddles for front teeth...i guess it's a reference to the size and shape of the old fashion butter making tools. well, as nolan's top front two teeth are making there way in, it is plain to see that he is following in mama and uncle tyler's toothsteps.  :)  as adults, i think they make a pretty fine set of chompers, but we certainly had to grow into them!  good luck my little man!

happy 7 months nolan cordero!

whew...the last two posts seriously took it out of me.  but, it is amazing how "good" i feel when i talk/write about sofia...i feel like it is the simplest, yet most precious way for me to honor her.

on a lighter note: today is my little man's 7 month birthday!  hurrah! 

he is really working that crawling...seems to have finally put the leg and hand movements together today.  watch out now!

swimming started back up again today in as my mom says the "nakey baby pool".  heehee.  so cute.  he rolled from his back to face in the water twice, went under with our help once and literally dove of the little diving board! (that one surprised him a bit.  ha!)  such a big boy already.  i can't believe it.

he says "ma-ma" and occasionally throws in a "da-da". 

he pretty much hates lying on his back for even a second, which makes diaper changing ever so tricky. 

he is a little dare devil who is always on the move.

he growls and makes funny singing/howling/sighing noises with a blank face and no mouth movement...i guess you have to see that one, but it's pretty funny. 

he loves tags, straps and drawstrings, balls, books, books, books, his brand new stacking cups and anything i'll let him put in his mouth.

his two bottom, middle teeth getting bigger by the day!

he is a total ham for the camera, which makes it nearly impossible to get a candid shot of the kid no matter how stealthy i try to be. 

he thinks the kitty is so much fun and is doing a really good job of "gently" petting her, though i'm uncertain if she would agree.  ;)

he barely fits in his carseat that claims to fit a child up to 32 lbs and 32 inches (neither of which he is very close to)...i may have to take this up with graco.

he is my little cuddle bug who loves to be close to mama and makes me laugh all day long!

he fills our house with dirty clothes, lots of toys and even more joy and happiness. 

we are so glad you chose us to be your parents, little lamb!

the story of sofia: part two

when we left the ultrasound appointment, we were in shock.  we sat in the car for i don't know how long before we drove home.  i can't thank god enough that anthony was there with me that day. i was in pieces and i don't know how i would have made it home.

we had the night to mourn our little girl (we actually still didn't know that she was a she), knowing that in the morning i would have to do the most unthinkable thing.  how in the world do you prepare yourself to go through labor and not get to take your baby home with you?  still to this day, i have no idea how i did it.

we got to the hospital at 10-ish saturday morning and by 2:00pm, i was in a gown, hooked up to an iv, being induced by cytotec. the doctors, residents and nurses were absolutely amazing.  before they got me all hooked up, they performed another ultrasound for verification and to see if they could determine any sort of a cause (to no avail).  this was the first time we got to see our baby.  the second came 32 hours later when i gave birth to a 22 week old (5 1/2 months), 1lb 3oz, 11 inch little girl.  even though at this point, she had been gone for at least 2 and up to 3 1/2 days, she was still so unbelievably beautiful.  we had brought two blankets from home that my grandma had made for her.  one stayed with her and one came home with us.  they gave us foot and hand prints. we held her.  we took pictures.  we talked to her.  i sang to her.  and just like that, our little girl was gone.

we went home late the next evening and i fell...i fell deep.  there were days that hurt so bad that i had to be nearly pried out of bed.  there were days that i no longer wanted to be.  even now, as i sit here typing this, tears stream down my face.  my heart aches.  not a day goes by that i don't think of her, that i don't talk to her, that i don't sleep with her blanket and wish it was her instead and not everyday, but so very often, i cry...oh, how i cry.

it is unbelievable to me to think that when i found out i was pregnant, i felt so unsure and frightened about being a mother.  and a mere 5 1/2 months later, there wasn't anything i wanted more. to have that ripped away from me...i can't even put into words how that felt.  my heart feels pain for every woman who has lost a child.  it is a crevice in my heart and my soul that will never heal and i know every other woman feels exactly the same way.  i now know...it has made me a stronger woman and a better mother.  i just wish that there had been another way, any other way for me to become this new woman.

i love you my sweet sofia.  you will always be my little girl and someday i will hold you in my arms again.  until then, i will hold you in my heart.

~sofia isabella lam, born december 7th, 2008~

the story of sofia: part one

it has been just over two years since my journey to motherhood began.  i remember the day as if it was yesterday that we found out we were pregnant for the first time.  sheer terror...that was what i felt!  ha.  i think it took me about two days to realize how excited i was for this new adventure in my life. 

through laughter, joy, crazy emotional outbursts, lots of nausea and time spent with my head in the toilet, excitement, anxiety and wonderful anticipation, the weeks went by.  we prepared as best we could for our little bundle of joy that was on the way.

at 20 1/2 weeks, i went on a trip to oregon and washington to visit my family and friends for thanksgiving.  i remember sitting at breakfast with my good friend caitlin when i felt the first kick.  on my right side, just below my ribs.  i thought "no way...was that a kick?" so, nonchalantly, i placed my hand on my belly and "boop" there it was again.  i felt it on my hand!  no doubt about it...the first kick.  at this point we didn't know if baby was a boy or a girl, but i always had a feeling she was sofia. the week went on.  lots of family, lots of friends.  it's all a blur except for the kicks.  there was a point mid-way through my trip that i wanted to change my plane ticket and come home.  looking back, i think this was an instinct.

she stopped kicking on sunday.  i came home tuesday late at night and i was worried.  wednesday morning we went to the midwives' office for our scheduled prenatal appointment and got a good strong heartbeat on the doppler.  aaahh...relief.  but, still no kicking.  on friday morning we went in for our scheduled anatomical ultrasound.  we were so excited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl! the woman doing our ultrasound was awful from the start, but that was seriously overshadowed when a doctor was called in to give us the news.  there was no heartbeat.  they called it a "fetal demise".   i called it the end of my world.

so i've decided to start a blog...

sheesh...i'm not sure how to start...

i don't think that i ever really realized how much i wanted to be a mother until the fact that i was pregnant really sank in.  from that moment on, my vision was clear. 

years ago, after college and nearly a year of "corporate america" i realized that i was in need of a change.  i ended up going back to school to become a massage therapist.  i liked the idea of helping others in the medical realm, but with a gentler, more natural approach than say if i had gone back to school to be a nurse or a chiropractor or a physical therapist (all things that crossed my mind).  the other thing that i liked about the profession of massage therapy was its flexibility...so, i suppose even then, i knew i wanted to a be a mother some day and that when that day came, i would be an involved one.

today, i am a licensed massage therapist in california, but haven't practiced massage in two years.  maybe at some point i'll go back to it to some degree.  maybe i'll simply parlay it into something else...a doula perhaps?  i'm not certain of any of that.  but, one thing is abundantly clear.  i am a mother and i absolutely love that as my current career.