twice in the last two weeks, i have had huge (i mean monster) emotional meltdowns. not a screaming and yelling meltdown, but a completely shutdown, tears shooting out of my eyeballs meltdown. probably needless to say, it has been pretty ugly.
both times the final straw was the sleepy time struggle, but i venture to guess that in all actuality, that was merely a small part of the whole picture.
yes, toddler sleep can be a doozy all in itself but right now, there seems to be so much more. being a mommy who is committed to peaceful parenting, being a wife of an incredibly busy husband, trying to build a massage practice (a small one, but still), housework, cooking healthy homemade food to nourish my family...yadda yadda...the list goes on. where does anyone find time for it all? and then of course there is the general hustle and bustle of la life that often pushes me over my stimulation limit or at the very least wears on my patience.
sure, i can think of a number of quick solutions, but they all require me to give up something or some piece of something that i'm not sure that i'm willing to give up. and ironically, when i think about each thing individually, i love doing/being them all (with the exception maybe of the housework...but even that i don't really mind). but when you lump them all together they become a pretty heavy load. and then, on occasion, i get overwhelmed...which you guessed it, leads to meltdowns.
last night was intense. it even spilled over into today. luckily, last night in the midst of my spinning world, i resisted the temptation to hull up in the corner and chose not to cancel today's moms' group. this amazing group of women saved me today. they helped me slowly pull myself together. and now that i'm standing again, i would like to offer each of them a sincere and heart-felt thank you. i know i said it while you were all here, but here it is again.
thank you, each and every beautiful one of you. all of your open hearts, open ears, advice, support, comradery, and love...THAT is exactly what a moms' group is about. THAT is what friendship is about. THAT is what moms should be doing for one another, not the judging and tearing down that happens amongst mothers so often.
i am so grateful to know you ladies. i'm so happy to call you my friends, my village. if we ever actually do end up moving away from here, i am going to miss you all so much. we are going to have to to skype moms' groups or something. ;)
and once again...just for good measure, i'm sorry i dominated our group today with my (hopefully temporary) instability. :)