my open apology to the facebook world and the blogosphere

it has been brought to my attention (however ungracefully) that i may owe all of you out there in cyberspace an apology.

in my efforts to be a real, authentic and a no walls up person/woman/mother, i have perhaps been too honest. my goal was never to hurt anyone, but instead to say the things that many of us think but don't say, to make it so my other mama friends (or anyone really) don't feel alone or like they are failing when times are tough. and of course... to get out some of my own emotions, work through things, vent and seek support when i need it. clearly... too much. too public. for this, i'm deeply, deeply sorry.

if i have made you angry, uncomfortable, anxious, frustrated, irritated, hurt or any other negative feeling, you have my most sincere apologies.

times have been a bit tough with a ton of transition in a very short period of time and we've been in a bit of a funk over here. but we are working through it all. i don't want anyone for a minute to think that our struggles make me love my children any less than whole-heartedly. they are my world. they are my everything. i want nothing but the absolute best for them and do everything in my power to make that happen.

motherhood is hard. harder than i ever imagined it would be. i know i'm not perfect. i know i have many, many areas with room for improvement. i lose my patience. i get frustrated. but motherhood is also the most incredible blessing i could have ever been given.  i consider it a great honor to shape these little ones' lives and i'm thankful for the lessons they teach me and that i get to be their mama.

so very many tears have been shed by me in the past 24 hours. relationships have been rocked to what i fear is the core, but through it all, i feel like my vision of what is important has become so much clearer and my confidence in the decisions we have made as a family has grown even stronger. and to top it off, in spite of the sad, hurt, angry emotions of today, i was able to put it behind me and me and my kids had an amazing day.

we may not have a lot of money or space or things. my kids may never go to the fanciest private school, drive brand new cars or wear designer clothes. they may not travel to europe until they can pay for it on their own. but they will get a great education. we will do fun activities as a family. they will be cultured. they will have a place to call home. if they have an activity or sport or whatever that they love and want to participate in, i will make it happen. and most importantly, they will feel loved and respected.